Genius is one step away from insanity, did you know that? Ok you might have known that... But you don't know all the things that push me that extra step... Why yes, dear reader, I did just indirectly call myself a genius!
Deodorant please? When I walk past you in the store, please do not smell like ass. I'm going to be completely honest here, if you are homeless, thats one thing... but if you are dressed like you have a home, and have 10lbs of makeup gripping your pores and sliding off so thick that its like a cake you can slice with a knife (ok that may also be something that pushes me close to the edge.)... if you have all that and cant afford some deodorant or a shower then please go throw yourself off a damn bridge. You are polluting the air I'm trying to breathe.
Pet names!! No, not your average fluffy/scaly pet... but people that call me sweetheart, honey, pumpkin, and other 'I can't actually remember your name so I'm going to generalize you with something I can remember' names... For example : This guy I had 6th period Biology with when I was a Sophomore in highschool found me on facebook the other day... he wrote me and for the life of me I couldn't get that boy to stop calling me sweetheart or baby. Then I asked where he remembered me from... go figure, the jock couldn't remember but he thought I looked hot in my picture and wanted to kick it... WHAT?! $%#^#@@^&&%%$#@&&*&$#@! Rage.
Another thing that drives me bonkers is open relationships. That is not your boyfriend/girlfriend... that is your sex toy you have an emotional attachment to. They have a physical attachment to someone else. Hope you feel like a two cent whore, because thats how stupid you look.
Alright, we're about to get real deep in this!! There is a difference between -they're- -there- and -their-! In case you do not know this difference, allow me to explain it to you.
They're getting in their car to come there right now.
They're - They are.
Their - belonging to them
There - place
I will rape your souls if you do this... If my boyfriend, who has only been speaking fluent English for less than 6 months can understand the difference... You native speakers need to understand it too. We go to school for what? LEARNING! If you didn't go to any kind of schooling, then I understand that you have an issue with this, but those of us who went to third grade, we learned it! USE IT!
Emotional drunks... I've been there, done that. I'm only 21 years old but I know that I've had my single drunken emotional state before. I hated it. I, in turn, hated myself for it. It is one big vicious cycle of hate and self loathing.
If you are 300+lbs and have dimply cottage cheese butt and thighs, please wear PANTS... Leggings are not pants. Those stretchy elastic things that 8 year old girls wear, those are also not pants you should be wearing even if they are your size... because they shouldn't be. Ever.
Ok... this is the fun issue of mine. Lets not indirectly talk about anyone! I do it on my facebook status updates... and I know the people can't see it because I hide it and often times I just write it to get it out and off my chest and my mind... but when its TO the person you are talking about but you hope it goes over their heads... then you just look like a prick. When you're standing in the same room as the person you are talking about you don't need to go off and say "Yea I did the dishes last night but SOOOOMMMMMEEEONE drank a glass of milk right after I started the dish washer!" Yes, we understand someone drank a glass of milk, hell, I can tell you who did it! STOP BEING A THREE YEAR OLD!
Girls that wear revealing clothing and then complain when people stare at their breasts instead of their faces. OHH good job, you look really cute and all and now you want us to..... not look? What sense does that make? If you don't want to be treated like a stripper (stared at and drooled over purely for eye candy purposes) then here's an idea... DO NOT DRESS LIKE ONE! Moron.
Ok, I am roughly 250lbs. If you are 5'3" and I'm 5'8" and you are 200lbs, please please please do not have the guts to call me fat or obese. You are significantly shorter than I am and you almost weigh as much as I do? Go play in traffic! I know I'm fat but at least I'll admit it and I won't go around screaming about how you are too.
If your relationship is over by the time I blink then you should probably just get a puppy, and if that doesn't work... get another one. Not a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Just realized that this blog entry can go on and on... but I'm going to touch on a couple more things before wrapping it up.
Black is not a f*cking color. When I ask "what is your favorite color?" and you respond with black white or grey... I will mentally be murdering you in the most disgusting brutal bloody way imaginable at the time. Black is the absence of color, white is the presence of all color and grey is the presence and absence. They are shades. The primary colors are Red, Yellow, Blue. Secondary are Orange, Green, Purple. Variations (tints -add white- and shades -and black-) can be made by mixing black or white with these colors, or adding more of one primary to the secondary pot... You sound like the constant high pitched cry of a new born child in a subway full of arguing people when you say that black/white is your favorite color to someone who went to school and therefore was mentally tortured until he/she accepted the facts of the colors.
and last but definitely not least... bad font designs. If the bowl of your e and a and o do not have the same weight, and are lacking the appropriate stress points... or lack them all together... or your apex and crossbars are different per letter... I will mentally be killing you then too. That is all.
No really, that is all. No more things that push me over the edge in a figurative way... well none that I feel the need to list right now.
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