I have been there done that with love. I fell in love, married at 25..had my son at 28 and then had two more children.
Ahhh...my life was set and I would live happily ever after.
Life has an odd way of changing your world..in the quickest of ways. Our married life had always been violatile. We fought and fought...all the time...we seperated, got back together...till February '09. I ended it. He was devastated. In that devastation he did things I will never be able to forgive him for.
My walls were up and I was done. I dated...but always made sure it was long distance. I had a list of rules..and one of them was "Can't live in my town.." (didn't want to have the man controlling me and up my butt all the time trying to run my life..) and "Must own home" (because that showed that he was very responsible and could make commitments)....that was only two of my rules...but those two rules would come back and haunt me.
In October of 2009 I met a man from NH that I was quite smitten with.. I truly liked this man so much and I knew from the moment I first spoke with him that I had developed a crush, but he was in a state hours away and actually I was dating someone. I eventually met the man I was dating LD and he and I did NOT have the chemistry that we had online. From the moment we met I was very taken back and really wished we could just go back to what we had online. He was very controlling and domineering. If you know me...you would know that would be MAJOR red flags. That relationship was falling apart from the get go and I would talk more and more to NH man and suddenly he informed me he was meeting someone he had met online. OMG NO! I quickly shifted my words and basically told him it was a BIG mistake. Thank God this woman must have felt the same way, because she backed off and never met him.
I was relieved. He had another woman online that I knew he had a crush on and I was determined that it was me he should be falling for. Long story short...I spent more time talking to him and showing him how I felt...and on Christmas Day '09...he told me he had fallen in love with me...I didn't say it right away...as I had walls up. I would NOT be hurt again...especially by a man I had never met. I mean it was great online...but what if..what if...we met and again it happened that the chemistry wasn't there?!! He then told me he would be coming to NY to meet me in a month. We talked all the time on the phone. We shared everything.
Our first meeting was beautiful. I knew that when I opened the door I was looking at the love of my life and the man I would eventually marry. We then saw each other usually every 6 or so weeks...either me going there..or he coming here. I am so completely taken by this man it scares the hell out of me; yet excites me the same way. He is everything I have ever wanted and yet I didn't even realize that is what I wanted or even for that fact needed.
He doesn't do drama, is great with his money, and lives simply.
Such the opposite of me. But we blend. We blend like no other. Anyone that has seen us in person says the same thing..."Luce your eyes sparkle when you look at him." And they do. He is my lover, my best friend, and my husband to be.
I am hoping and praying that this distance can just end. All I have ever wanted was for this man to be by my side..that I can wake up in his arms for the rest of my life. It is all I want. And I hope to GOD it happens soon. Because I need him with me. Life is passing by and my life on pause is not what I want.
To feel this way, at 41...to truly KNOW this is it. Is unbelievable.
I actually am sitting with him...at our hotel at our weekend getaway. As I glance across the room and see him I sit here with tears streaming down my face. I know in the AM I have to drive the opposite way as him. I want to scream to him "damn forget if the house sells or not..forget being practical....let us have our dreams come true NOW~~"
Just once I want it to be MY TURN.
My turn to say....LDR is over and we have closed the distance. :(
I love him with every part of me...and I am a better woman for having him in my life.
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