Krista - Fear is a four letter word

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. ~Mel Brooks




When I was a kid, I don't remember having any fears. Certainly none life crippling. I wasn't fond of snakes, but not terrified of them. I would play with lizards and hang them from my ears. I would climb trees. I would wade out as far into the ocean as I could without my mother yelling for me to come back to the shore.




Slowly, fear crept its way into my life. I will scream bloody murder if I see a snake not enclosed in a glass aquarium. I will jump if I see a baby lizard inside my house. And thanks to watching too many movies about killer sharks, I like my water to be crystal clear before I wade in so I can see exactly what is in front of me.




But those are little things...




As a parent, the thing that I fear the most is any harm coming to my son. I want to protect him from the big bad world and I know it's not possible for me to be there at all times. I have to trust that others will watch out for him too, but I do not give that trust lightly. We've had a bumpy beginning in life and I will do whatever is in my power to keep him from danger. We talk constantly about safety and strangers. I lost track of my son for a few minutes once, and it was the most horrendous feeling in the world. I never want to feel that way again.




I have a phobia about calling strangers. It's not so bad that I never do it, but I very rarely do. And I will rehearse what I am going to say before I say it. This bleeds into even calling people I do know. There are very, very few people that I call on a regular basis.




I have fears about my relationship. It's long distance, and I worry sometimes that it won't last. There's unfortunately no end date for the distance at this point and I was very afraid of putting my whole heart into something that might ultimately fail because we can't agree on where to go. I refuse to give into those fears though. If I did, I would deprive myself of the greatest happiness I have ever known.




I also have big fears about being lost. I have a not so great sense of internal direction, and I can get lost very easily. I thank God for the invention of affordable GPS systems and my new car which has one built in!




I have learned to control my fears to an extent. I really do not let them hinder my every day life.




Although my son really wants to go cage diving with the sharks at Sea World...I don't think I am ready to jump in a cage with him and do that!